I figure if I’m feeling this way then someone else has to be too.
Quarantine is hard. And I know good and well that all in all I’ve got it easy compared to a lot of other people.
When someone asks how I’m doing I always say “good overall” because that’s the truth.
Some days though… some days… I just want it to stop.
I just want to leave the house and go somewhere that isn’t the goddamn grocery store or Target. I want to sit with my friends. I want to play music. I want to go back to North Carolina for just a little while and sit on my brother’s sun porch and have his dogs climb all over me and then wander around his garden with him.
On these days, it’s hard to figure out what helps. And it’s always a build up too. It started the other day after I’d texted with a couple friends and talked on the phone to some. It honestly just made me miss all of them more. A good friend that I used to work with was moving away. I haven’t gotten to see him once since quarantine started and I honestly have no idea when or if I’ll get to see him in person again and hug him. This is a dude I used to see damn near every day.
What it comes down to I suppose is that I feel really fucking lonely. All the FaceTime and Zoom, long distance music projects, and text messages are no substitute for actually seeing someone you care about in person. It’s the same way that seeing a hundred photos of Westminster Abbey couldn’t compare to what it felt like to walk around inside a thousand year old church. It just isn’t the same.
So what now?
If I’ve learned anything in 40 years of life I have learned that the bad days pass just like the good ones. No matter how low I might feel, it will always change. Just writing all of this down for you honestly helped a lot. We have to get honest with ourselves as quickly as we can. Even if it’s about stuff we don’t really feel like working through. Maybe especially then.
If you’re feeling blue, sad, frustrated, or restless just be honest with yourself about it. It’s ok to feel that way. Nothing is wrong with you. It won’t last forever. Do your best to be present to those feelings. They’ll pass.
And know this, I love you and I know you’ll feel good again soon.