I have started off a big ask with this phrase so many times. Whether it was my wife, my parents, or my boss, I recognize the power of giving someone permission to say “no”.
When you tell someone “I need to ask you something,” you can watch them brace themselves for the question. Think about how you feel when someone says that to you. If you’re like me, your first thought is probably “Oh God. Here we go.” We mentally prepare for the worst. It’s what our 2 million year old brain is designed to do, protect us.
That’s why I started framing it this way,
“I need to ask you something and no is an acceptable answer.”
I have seen how differently people react to that every single time. Usually when we’re asking for something it’s because we want them to agree with us. To say yes. Telling them right up front that you can handle the “no” switches something in their brain and brings their guard down a bit. This is especially powerful for folks that tend to feel an obligation to say “yes”.
Today, I want to take this concept a step further. I want to turn the idea inward. It’s not always situationally appropriate to drop this phrase into the conversation or the email. Those are the times when I feel myself tense up and panic before I hit the send button.
OMG, what if they say no? I’m going to look like such an idiot.
The overwhelm of rejection takes over and can be immobilizing and can stop you from even trying.
What if we were to use “no is an acceptable answer” as almost a mantra before we click send? Abraham-Hicks famously says that the best state of being is “happy where you are and excited for more”. Excitedly send the email, but accepting that no might be the answer gives us permission to be happy where we are.
No is often a blessing. It allows us to redirect. Maybe that person isn’t the one that’s meant to help us. Maybe there is a different and way better opportunity out there. That takes so much pressure off.
So I offer to you dear friends, allow those around you to say no. It will give you more permission to say it too. To quote Shonda Rhymes “Saying no is saying yes to yourself.”